Surviving Isn't Living
by Smiling Dreams
Summary: Anna Moriarty or Abby Smith is struggling after her father's suicide. John Watson is struggling after Sherlock's. Anna decides to live her life in her father's footsteps, but can't help but feel for John. Doing the best she can she tries to support him anonymously, but when John takes a turn for the worst, what can Anna do? Rated T for swearing and suicide.
1. M

A/N: This may be sad later on, but I'm not sure. Deals with thoughts of suicide and actuall suicide, so don't say I didn't warn you.

(I don't own Sherlock. Sadly. ): )

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Anna smiled. Today was going to be a great day.

She quickly made her way out of bed and into the shower were she scrubbed off the leftover dry blood on her legs. She got out and dried before changing into her light grey t-shirt and dark grey joggies that reminded her of a ninja. She rolled her eyes at her nine year old self that had come up with the idea when she first received a pair of 'hunting' clothes as she liked to call them. These were the items she wore when she was on the job.

Publicly she was known as Abby Smith, aged 16 working part time in a bakery, but her home life was very different.

Annabeth Moriarty was a highly trained assassin that worked for her father, the one and only James Moriarty. Today was a day she and her dad had been planing for the last couple of months, and now everything was in place.

Her dad had given her his back up phone that only unlocked to her finger print, but it was necessary to have a code as well. This phone had all the details of her father's web, and if it came to it, her web too.

Tying a small belt around her waist, Anna attached her phone and her two favourite knives, along with her pistol and hand gun to it. She pulled her jumper over her head, the same colour as her joggies, and set off out the house for a light jog.

Half an hour later she returned and grabbed a towel and a water bottle before heading off to her father's gym. When she arrived Fraser greeted her with a strong pat on the back and a grunt. She smirked at him before joining Tony and Anthony in the ring.

Leaving her belt and jumper to the side, Anna slid under the ropes. The two men in their late twenties eyed Anna suspiciously before jumping forward. Anna just slid to the side, all ready calling to mind all the moves they could make against her and how she could counter them.

She battled fiercely and ended up throwing Tony out the ring. Anthony wasn't far behind him. As they finished up Anna realised she only had two hours before her assignment. Scowling at the clock she turned back to the boys and helped them to their feet.

"Good going guys, almost distracted me that time!" She said trying to keep light hearted, but Tony just groaned and Anthony rolled his eyes.

"Sure we did." He smiled before dragging Tony to the showers. Anna smiled as well before heading to the showers too.

As she changed into fresh clothes (black skin tight fabric covering her legs and a black top) and put her belt and jumper back on as well as some shorts she had left in her locker she headed out.

She walked to Bart's instead of getting a cab because she knew she had time. She went into the garage opposite and went to the top floor to watch what she knew would happen.

Anna knew Moriarty wouldn't tell Sherlock what would happen to Molly. It hadn't been discussed with him after all. Anna set up her gun and pointed it at the window she could see Molly in.

After a minute on the roof Anna heard the sound of her father's gun go off. This wasn't part of their plan. Leaving Molly she looked towards the roof, where after a moment Sherlock appeared. Hand flying to her mouth Anna held in a sob. She knew by Sherlock's face that her dad had taken his own life.

She steeled herself and aimed at him. She wouldn't shoot unless he was going to back down. No innocent lives needed to be lost today.

He pulled out his phone and called someone. Anna knew if she wanted she could lip read his half of the conversation, and guess the other, but didn't. She respected he wanted the privacy to speak to whoever he wished in his dying moments.

He threw the phone behind him, and after why felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds, he jumped.

He fell and fell as Anna turned away. She packed up her gun and placed it carefully in it's case before lifting it up and placing it in the empty back-pack she had left here last week.

Throwing the bag over her shoulder she ran out into the street to check the body of the man who had puzzled her, and the man she hated.

She saw John running forward looking like he was in a daze as he grabbed Sherlock's wrist, but she wrapped her hand around his and gently pulled him away. By the look on his face Anna knew he was dead. No doubt about it.

Watching as John seemed to find the weight of the world on his shoulders, she couldn't help but feel sad for him. Yes she had hated his best friend, but she didn't hate John.

Giving a silent promise she ran into the hospital and up the stairs onto the roof. Holding back all emotion she walked over to her dad and bent down. She closed his eyes and checked is pulse. "I'm sorry daddy." She whispered to the dead body of the only person who had understood her. "I love you." She wiped the few tears that had escaped her eyes away before standing.

She ran back to the street where she saw John with glazed over eyes. She walked up to him and put her arm around his shoulder. Softly she guided him to a taxi where she glanced at a nearby window. A man stood there staring down at her.

"Help him." She mouthed before looking back at Bart's roof. He nodded and walked away quickly. Pushing John into the taxi and jumping in after him she said to the cabbie "221 Baker Street."

The cab went carefully through the streets of London and eventually pulled up outside the familiar black door. Paying the driver she jumped out pulling John with her.

She knocked on the door and Mrs Hudson opened it. "Oh hello dear! Oh John! What's wrong?" She asked suddenly quite concerned.

"If you let us in I will explain." Anna said softly. Mrs Hudson nodded and stepped to the side.

Walking up the stairs Anna examined the room she had only seen through a camera. Noticing Sebastian disguised as a handy man she nodded at him. "It's fixed!" He said to Mrs Hudson before packing up his stuff. Anna slipped him his money.

"Tell them I'm in charge now." She whispered not showing how sad she was at this turn in events, but Sebastian's eyes only widened slightly before nodding and walking away.

Mrs Hudson came in and she sat on the sofa. Anna put John in his chair before sitting herself in Sherlock's. As Mrs Hudson opened her mouth to protest, Anna finally let her sadness show.

"I am Abby Smith, and I'm afraid I have bad news." She said and Mrs Hudson suddenly realised why John was so distant. "Sherlock is dead Mrs Hudson. Me and John saw it happen." John glanced down at his shaking hands and let out a sob.

Mrs Hudson just covered her mouth. "But... But I just spoke with him this morning. He can't be dead!" Anna just shook her head.

"Mrs Hudson I'm so sorry. I really am, for both you and John." I reached over and squeezed her shoulder.

"He wasn't a fraud." John said. I looked at him.

"I know. And I have to go. I don't think we'll be seeing each other for a while. Goodbye John, goodbye Mrs Hudson." With a nod of her head Anna was up and out the apartment. Careful to avoid security cameras and homeless people she made her way back to her apartment.


	2. O

Set 6 months later

Anna sat on her bed deep in thought. Sebastian entered her room quietly so as not to disturb her, but as he set foot inside a single word rang out.

"Seb?" She asked without emotion. "What are you doing in my room?" She still had her eyes closed.

"I was umm..." He knew he couldn't lie to her, she would see right through him. "Getting your phone."

Anna's eyes flew open. "Why would you do that?" She asked calmly, but Sebastian saw the anger underneath.

"I was going to take a look at the web." He said.

Anna smirked. "You won't be getting into my phone without my finger print, and I've set it so it will pick up too much pressure to stop it from being done against my will."

Sebastian cringed. Yeah, just as protected as he thought.

"Before you leave Seb, can I ask you something of importance?" She said still calm.

"Of course."

"That part time job I have? You know the one at the bakery? Yes, well I think the owner, Max is his name, has received news that he has a terminal illness. He has no family left and I believe I am going to receive the bakery. Will you be the owner until my birthday?" She asked as if it was the most boring thing in the world.

"Sure. But why do you think he'll leave it to you?" Sebastian asked actually interested in the answer.

"Because even though it is weak, I understand how sentiment works Seb. I see it in your face when you look at me sometimes. Anyway, Max has been looking at me in a similar way recently and it is only logical to leave his greatest life possession with the only person who knows him well enough to understand how to look after it."

"Okay. But why don't you just make a fake birth document and claim the bakery for yourself?" Sebastian asked.

Anna sighed like it was obvious. "Because 'Abby Smith' is still doing things legally, and I'm not about to change that if I can wait five months till my birthday."

Sebastian nodded. "Alright, I'm in."

Anna smiled before reaching behind her and handing over the documents. "Where did you get these? He's not even dead yet!"

Anna smirked. "I'm not my father's daughter for nothing you know." Sebastian gave a small smile in reply.

"Good." H signed in the paper work before handing it back and heading back downstairs.

Getting her phone out again, Anna went to her only

truly reliable contact and hit the call button. After two rings the phone was answered.

"Jim?" Said the tired voice on the other end of the line. Glancing at her watch Anna realised it was 2:41am.

"Anna." She replied. She could almost hear the smile on her friend's face.

"Have you stolen your fathers phone again?" She was one of the few people in the inner circle to know how she was related to Jim.

"No. It was given to me. About six months ago now actually." Anna said trying to keep the tone light but she knew if they continued down this path of conversation her voice was bound to break.

"Okay then. Why are you calling me at this time in the morning?"

"You know I don't sleep when I'm thinking. Also, I need a favour. Not a particularly big one, but a subtle one."

"What is it?"

"I need you to smooth out the inner circle. People are starting to question the absence of my father, and that is the last thing I need right now. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll try Anna. This mighty be harder than you realise, people have emotions as well, unlike some other sociopaths I know. I'll try, but what do I get in return?"

"Access to some files on Sherlock Holmes I happen to have. I know you won't be able to resist." Anna had read the signs clearly on her face after their first encounter.

"I'll thing about it." Came the quick reply before the line went dead.

Anna smirked and put her phone away before returning to her mind place.

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A/N: Have you figured out who it is yet? I don't need reviews to post, but they're a good part of the writing. BAII! :3


	3. R

_A/N: I know this is short, but what is suspense for? Leave a review if you like, 'cause I certainly would. ;)_

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The taxi pulled up for Anna to quickly slide out and pay the driver. She turned and casually made her way up to the shady block of apartments, but Anna wasn't scared. All the people who lived here worked for her, even if they didn't know it yet.

She pressed the caller on the flat labeled Diane Brown. "Hello?" Came a timid sounding voice of a slightly scared woman, but Anna just smirked.

"Mrs Brown, it's Abby." She old almost see 'Diane's mask slip back off.

"Come in." She purred and the door liked next to her.

Making her way up to the fifth floor Anna knocked on the door. After a few seconds it opened and Anna walked inside quickly. The door shut and was locked before the person who had allowed her in wrapped her in a hug.

Anna returned it, the only person other than here father that she appreciated physical contact with was the woman standing in front of her now. "Anna."

"Irene." Anna replied. They smirked at each other before going into the front room.

Sitting on the sofa Irene and Anna quickly went over each other. Having finished quickly Anna went on to the matter that Irene had been recently upset by something.

"Who?" Was her only question. Irene's nose scrunched up slightly before she answered.

"You know him almost as well as you know your father."

"Him!" Anna was shocked. "How did this happen!?"

Irene sighed. "I let him get to me. It was foolish and it almost cost me my life, but then he saved me. I don't know why."

Anna stored this in her mind or later investigation. "But that's not why I'm here."

Irene nodded. "Indeed. What are you here for Anna?"

Anna's face was normally expression less but now to the trained eye you would see guilt and sadness. And Irene Adler had a very well trained eye.

"Anna?" Irene questioned softly.

"He's dead." Anna said trying hard to compose herself in front of her only friend. "I know it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel guilt for his death." Irene was confused.

"Who? Who is dead?" A growing suspicion at the back of Irene's mind was blown into a raging fire of worry when Anna confirmed it.

"Moriarty."


	4. I

Irene and Anna sat in silence. The room felt too small, and claustrophobia was beginning to clutch to Anna's chest. "Irene my father's dead. I need your help in convincing the others that he isn't."

Nodding Irene grabbed her hand and dragged her outside. They walked slowly along the streets, not caring where they were going.

"They died together. I hope it made him happy." Anna almost sneered, but didn't for Irene's sake.

"Double suicide." Irene affirmed. Nodding Anna glanced at the people around her, figuring out their stories and their lives that were so full of hope and _Sentiment_. It was disgusting.

"Diane', where are we going?" Anna asked.

"Where the only man who would understand us lives." Scrunching up her nose, Anna sorted.

"I don't expect him to welcome either of us, considering I shouldn't exist and you should be dead." Smiling down at Anna, Irene sighed.

"I don't need his welcome, just his support, and he will need ours."

"If this goes wrong, then I'm calling Sebby. We don't need the last Mo- Smith dying on us, do we?"

Irene shook her head. "It would cause the end of the criminal underground. We need a head and we need it securely on a firm pair of shoulders. Not rolling around the floor."

"Then if he gets violent, we leave. Deal?" Anna said stopping her and throwing out her hand.

"Deal." They shook hands before walking down and around the corner.

"221B Baker Street." Irene whispered and Anna saw something deep within her that clenched her stomach and reminded her of her father.

"Let's go." Anna said pulling her hand and they made their way to the door. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a man jump out a taxi in a long coat and with a camera. He walked down the street before stopping between two cars and began taking photos of the door they were headed to.

Anna wished she could do something, but she didn't want to attract attention to herself and Irene.

"I'll go in first, he'll recognise me." Irene said jolting Anna out of her revive.

"Sure." She agreed and stood by the door watching the man with the camera and sending glares in his direction. She watches silently as a 'drunk' man wonders from an alleyway somewhere and bumps into the photographer. Smiling she watches as the man 'accidentally' stomps on the camera before quickly staggering off.

"Homeless network." She added the tag to her collection of information on Sherlock Holmes and turns to look at the door again as Irene finally knocks.

"Nerves, doesn't really want to speak to John, afraid of the bad memories, afraid of what he will think about Sherlock after his death. Will stand up for him, but also needs John. Interesting."

There is a pause before one Mrs Hudson opens the door. "Hello again dear, it's been too long." What she said sounded nice enough, but under her words was a tone of depression and sadness.

"Mrs Hudson." Irene nods in her direction, but Anna just adds her to her Library.

"Come in. I'll put the kettle on." Mrs Hudson steps aside and they enter. She goes into her apartment. "Don't worry, I'll bring it up!" She calls and they make their way up the stairs.

Anna notices Irene missing the eleventh stair, and she does the same. "Probably creaky." She notices.

Irene goes up to the door, and pushes it open quietly. Anna waits in the hallway, waiting and watching.

"John?" She hears Irene ask cautiously.

There is a shuffling, and then a gasp. "Get out. Irene you get the fuck out right now!" A voice growls and bellows from the next room. She sees Irene wince.

"John." She says moving forward and out of Anna's line of sight. "John please."

"No! Get out! I said get out!" John struggles with something and then Anna hears the familiar sound of a gun being pulled from its holster. Anna pulls out her own gun and moves forward slightly.

"John, you know he wouldn't want this. Just put the gun down and let me explain."

Worried, it's loaded. Anna knows if she waits too long she might loose the only person she still trusts. "No." She hisses under her breath, that wouldn't happen today.

"Irene I lost my best friend. You don't know what I've been through, and I was happy believing you were DEAD!" He shouts and Anna knows there are tears in Irene's eyes.

"Sit." Irene says, keeping her voice level. Slowly, after what feels like forever, John puts his gun down, and sits, as does Irene.

Anna places her gun back carefully and listens as Irene begins to explain how she moves around, and how she just got back to Britain. Anna smirks and realises it was a good thing she removed the security cameras Mycroft had placed here this morning rather than tomorrow.

"And I would like you to meet someone John." Irene says carefully. There is a grunt of disapproval, but she continues. "Abby?" Anna slips into her innocent shy teenager act as she enters the room carefully, trying to make as much noise as possible for John, while seemingly trying to be quiet.

"Irene what have you done?" John hisses and Anna knows he doesn't like the fact that she is there with Irene.

"I came here by myself Mr. Watson." I smile and slip out of my mask and put on the one my father and I were so good at.

He gives me a look, but I don't know what it means. "Abby Smith. Pleased to meet you. I'm sorry for loss, but I didn't really get along with your friend."

"That's okay, not many people did."


End file.
